THE DIARY OF A YOUNG GIRL..............



As I read the first page that happened to be even the last page of the diary, a sea of thoughts flashed through my mind. Can such a thing ever happen was the first question that came to me? A 23yr old girl depressed with her professional and personal life planning to end her life, was like a shock that came to me.


All she needed was a few answers from The Super Power… everyone at some point has few things to ask Him but her questions were different………”Why did you send me into this family?””Why was I born as a second child?” “Why does my mother does not even think for a second before telling that she never wanted me in her life in front of me?” “Did you create such mothers also???”………….is God listening?? Will he ever answer my questions????? She was not sure of this…for that fact none of us are sure of His existence though we believe in him…


She longed to ask her father a few questions as she expected answers for her grief……….Dad, “why dint you allow mom to abort the second pregnancy when she never wished to have a second child??” “Why were you so adamant on it??””Why should I bear the brunt of your enjoyment?”


As a child she grew up with a doubt that she was adopted but when she got to know that she was indeed their biological child how could she face her own conscience which questioned her about her own existence? Does any parent tell their child “I dint want you in my life?”"Mother- The embodiment of love" ever say such a thing to her child????


As the world says Mother is the visible form of god.... Does God treat his children differently? Would He ever tell any of his creation that you were my mistake and not love??? Then why did he let a mother say such a thing to that girl? How is an emotionally hurt, depressed soul supposed to bear with this?????

WHY?????



As I pass through the lanes of OUCW, all that comes to my mind is the independence, carefree attitude, and tensionless life, now everything in the reverse gear. As I think about what I have achieved through these years I find progress at the cost of my own life. I had lived my life during graduation but now even life has become a duty. Huh is this what it means to achieve…….????


There was a day when anything spoken was not taken in the wrong sense and now I see people waiting for me to speak to take wrong meanings out of it. A simple joke would be a means of laughter and now it doesn’t even bring a smile on my face. Why is it that I crave for a happy smile? Why is it that I put up an artificial smile for people when I have never done that before??? Why is it that my face tries to hide my feelings??? Why? Why? Why?


So many unanswered questions yet the answer still remain why?


If the answer to it is I have matured in my behavior through these years then I don’t want this maturity which is changing my nature, my identity….. People in my life have not changed but the way we look at life has changed. Back in those days all of us looked at life in the same way more of fun and less of tensions but now its going different paths which don't seem to converge at any point neither in our thoughts nor in our actions. We regretted parting from each other after graduation but may be in the real sense we have moved away from each other now :(((((


And if I think what I have achieved through these years then I feel why did I? Leaving behind my own self and taking ahead a fake personality in my form? Yet it’s a why in my life? Hope it doesn’t lead me to why am I living this life, when I am not the one I am meant to be………………..


SNEHA NAIK

2010... :):(
New year greetings started pouring in from 30^th itself making me feel sad and happy as well…….mixed feelings about the year 2010…………………I wanted to give the year 2010 a good send off and welcome 2011 but I guess people were in a hurry just to save a few bucks huhhhhhhhh…how irritating!!!. Why can’t people wait for the occasion??????

But the year 2010 was indeed a special one….It made me strong, taught patience in life………this year was an affair with books,  constant preparations and just a day before the exam sitting in front of the idiot box to hear that the exams have been postponed… : D. Our status messages always indicating exams ahead, no mood to study or exams postponed and even kept track of how many times they have been postponed :D………..Half of the year went into it,  yet now I am a post graduate with flying colours and and and a lecturer from being a student in just a span of one week. A working professional from a student ah I myself am surprised. This year gave me my first earning :)such unexpected turn of situations….

 If this was on the professional front on the familial front also, I must say a great year………..a new entrant into the family..my sweet little NEPHEW…..He completely changed our lives..our world revolves around him these days……..his sweet innocent smile, nakhras,(nautanki as I call him:P) he crooning in a language not known to anyone :P………Its such a bliss spending time with him…..yet a wonder how does he learn all this when they are not taught………now may be that is the beauty of nature. Life coming from a life- the norm which biology also doesn’t explain…

THANK YOU 2010……….WELCOME 2011

Here’s wishing you all a very happy, healthy and prosperous new year 2011!!!!!!!

-SNEHA NAIK

WHAT DO I CALL THIS???..............

It all started on July 1st and 3 months down the lane I feel I was meant to be doing this………….for the first few days I wondered how am I being happy in this profession when I had planned something else for my life but still I was happy with what I was doing. May be the joy of spreading knowledge is so great that it suppressed all my depression into ashes and spread a smile around me. But still I wonder is this actually my cup of tea?????


May be my childhood dream has been answered or may be I’m satisfying myself saying this………….not very sure yet I’m happy[:-)] As a child I always took pleasure in playing a teacher and my dream as a child was to be a teacher. I would always say “I want to be a teacher when I grow up” and people around me laughed it off knowing my silent and shy nature. They never expected I would actually fit this profession.


Yet I’m doing this………………working as a lecturer and taking pleasure in being introduced to people as a lecturer…………………..but still I don’t understand what do I call this……….”DESTINY OR A LONG CHERISHING DREAM ANSWERED????


-SNEHA NAIK

HAPPY FRIENDSHIP DAY [:)]    

 

My life would loose its meaning without friends as they are the ones who stood by me through thick and thin, understand me and my mood swings, cheer up my mood when I’m sad and can to anything possible by them for me, had our share of fights, misunderstandings but still continue to be friends......there's no fun without all this :)

In this short life I have found a bunch of friends who fit or are the perfect ones in my definition of friendship and even a bunch of people who saw me as just a step to reach their goal and then forgotten.

There were times when I considered everyone who came into my life as a friend but now my definition of a friend is a lot more stringent, its takes much longer time to accept people as a friend but once they are my friends there’s no looking back on that fact that I have accepted them totally into my life for whatever they are and the same goes with them.

A special thanks to all the ones who are actually my friends who share my happiness and my sorrows equally and have been a part of my life for sometime now but know so much about me………….

Thank you guys and Happy Friendship day to all my dear friends and hope we remain friends for ever. :)

क्या जीना इसी का नाम है????

हवा के बदलते रूह के साथ ज़िन्दगी भी अपने रास्तें बदलती है, हर राह नया हर मंजिल नयी और अन्जान/ हर सफ़र में नए लोग मिलें कुछ ज़िन्दगी से जुड़ ते गए और कुछ ऐसा ज़ख्म छोड़ गए की उन्हें भुलाने की हर कोशिश उन ज़ख्मों को गहरा करती गयी............... फिर भी  हर  मोड़ पर अल्विदा कहना इतना मुश्किल हो जाता है की हम उन दुःख देने वालों से बिचादते भी घबराते है, चाहते है कि  उन पलों को कैद कर ले, उन्हें जाने ना दे............


ऐसा क्यों होता है की ज़िन्दगी में कुछ लोगों का साथ पा  कर भी हम उन्से दूर हो जाते है? और उन्हें एहसास भी नहीं होता की वो कितना गहरा ज़ख्म छोड़ जा रहे है................


हर घम  को भुलाना, आगे बढ़ना इतना मुश्किल हो जाता है की उन्से दूर  भागना  भी  नामुम्किन लगने लगता है..............
क्या जीना इसी का नाम है??????


स्नेहा.......

the conversation a clear version for you ppl
X- I don't know what to study for the finals!
Y- Don't exams test what you should have already learned and know?
X- Yes, but I dont really know anything!
Y- Wouldn't studying now be too late......
X- Not if I know what to study!
Y- I give up...........


EXAMS…………….


Exams exams exams…………..huh…. the only thing that matters these days is what we score in the exams, entrances…. How can an entrance of just a few hours decide everything about the knowledge one has gained all through the years???? Is the knowledge gained that is important or the marks one gets in the exams? Marks are not always the replicas of the knowledge one has gained through the year…These thoughts started making rounds in my mind when the exams were continuously being postponed these days the reason well known to everyone. Now when the exams and marks decide the career, how much you study, or the knowledge gained don’t really matter. All that matters is the marks and just the marks.


Next just look at the correction system. The papers in some universities are corrected within a span of 10 days. The results of some 10,000 odd students given in just a span of few days……


Where are we heading to? Is the knowledge gained just for the sake of exams?


The teaching these days is also being influenced by the exam wise important topics. Then what about the subject??? When will one learn the REAL subject other than the ACADEMIC subject important in exam point of view?????


Yes, exams are necessary so that the one not interested in studies learns something for the sake of marks, but deciding the fate of the student on the basis of just those marks?? Exams and results should not be ones that need to matter but finally what matters is how much one has learnt. We the students fall prey to these and now because of the situation prevailing there might be many who dread their future ‘coz the exams are not being conducted………….thanks to this system even I am the prey to all this.


Admission into kinder garten also needs an exam… the child is made to face the fear of exams from the age of 3 itself. When one doesn’t get a proper score what happens to the confidence levels of the child only the child knows. When will others understand exams always don’t judge the caliber of their wards. Thanks to this system the parents start comparing their kids to the one who scores higher than them bringing the confidence levels to some negative points. Thanks to this education system many sorts of depressions have come up into existence. The one who can face it is the winner the one unable to beat the stress levels is subjected all sorts of insults in the society. Why is it that the education only decides everything? Why can’t one plan a career in an off beat field???? How many parents have the courage to encourage their child to choose an off beat field????


Please do think about it once….we as students are facing it now, tomorrow as parents hope we don’t go back to square one………


PC----http://www.cs.cityu.edu.hk/~hwchun/Images/Final%20Exams.png


-SNEHA NAIK